I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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