my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
