there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dear god my vagina.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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