I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
