so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
