He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
