She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
