Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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