K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
