you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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