I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
