How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
