i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
