I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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