so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
