It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
