I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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