I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
