i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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