If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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