Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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