ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
