So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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