Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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