dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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