Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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