Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
