he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
