I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i came on her dog
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
