I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
