What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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