i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
