She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
false alarm. still invincible.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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