I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
