my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
do herpes really smell.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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