Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
