don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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