Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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