I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize