My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
