dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
