Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You can't motorboat a personality
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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