There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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