The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
