This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
