And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
