You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
