You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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