then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
