If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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