I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
