so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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