Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
