plz talk dirty to me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have aggressive nipples.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
