i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize