you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
