the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
