i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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