ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize