I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just had sex on a roof
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
