I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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