The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My balls are so social today.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The adults are the big ones right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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