my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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