So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
