Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
