Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
