i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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